From a very young age, I was always a good girl; nice, friendly, compliant, never got into any trouble, had lots of friends, got good grades, went to university, got my masters, was very good at my high functioning jobs. I had a special talent for finding out what people wanted me to be, and then becoming that person and showing the behaviours I knew were expected of me. I made sure everybody ‘liked’ me, and was absolutely devastated if someone didn’t, which made me work even harder to try to ‘win’ them over. I was extremely hard on myself. It was exhausting, and extremely stressful. In hindsight, it’s not surprising I developed high blood pressure and anaemia at the age of 15 and an eating disorder at 16.
By the time I was 26, I was emotionally and physically depleted, and beating myself up about it. I decided to get help from a coach, who helped me to learn how to listen to my own voice instead of so many others. This was the starting point of me taking conscious and continous care of myself with loving kindness and compassion, deciding I was worth it.
It has been a steep learning curve ever since, and a practice that asks my continous attention and care ever since, with truly magical highs and pain-ful lows. To have a loving, compassionate relationship with myself and live a life that is true to myself, I had to become aware of my perfectionism, self-judgment and shame and how they held me back. How my past and upbringing influenced my present, and therefor potentially my future. And how that awareness empowers me to make choices that feel true to me and helps build a world that I want to live in.
Since I became a parent……..how being a parent is the most important role we have
My mission with Imperfect Parenting is to share my skills and experiences as a psychologist, coach, recovering perfectionist and parent to support other parents on their parenting journey. To have a place to heal as parents, as we are committed creating a nurturing environment in which we can help our children discover and become who they are, and enjoy that journey together.
I believe being a parent is a powerful opportunity to look at our own lives, heal ourselves and let go of old beliefs and behaviours that have been in our way to become who we truly are.
The best thing we can do to help our kids to become happy, confident and resilient, is to show them how that looks like.